This is a real moment in my life. This is July 30th at around 3am. This is what you look like when the person you want to grow old with has had way too much to drink on his birthday…but it really isn’t any different from the rest of the week. This is before you are supppsed to work at 9:30am but have to call off because you’re sitting in a Walmart parking lot in the rain. This is after he tells you to fuck off and get out of your home and your life you built together. This is after he brings his shitty friend to the house so that he can berate you with condescending bullshit, even when he knows he should have left as soon as he walked in the door. When you slam the bedroom door so hard that it crushes your lover’s hand when he tries to force you to keep it open. This is what your face looks like after accidental bloodshed of the one you never wanted to hurt. This is after you slap his face to remind him that you mean it when you warn them to back off. This is when you realize your parents’ house is a half hour away and you have no gas or money. When you look like this, you’ve lost something and you don’t want to continue yearning for it. This is mourning at the pinnacle moment of mourning.